Tonight I attended a Zoom meeting held by my former charge nurse. She gathered about a baker’s dozen or so of us who had retired in the last year or two and organized this little virtual soiree.
It was so nice to see everyone again and hear what they are up to these days. I’m so proud of the fact that several have volunteered through their local health departments to give COVID vaccinations. Others are working part-time at new jobs. A couple of them have moved out of state.
I realized two things tonight listening to my former colleagues chat.
The first thing is my extrovert self is pretty hard up for social interaction these days. I miss my friends. I miss the coworkers I don’t see anymore. I miss the Humans I loved that COVID has claimed.
We are all trying so hard to survive this madness. Trying to keep a positive attitude — trying to help the kids adjust to all the changes in their lives — trying to not live in fear. But the grief bubbles up. It demands attention.
We have lost things — people — relationships that we will never get back. It is humbling to be so thankful just to be alive, yet, the pain of those losses is vast.
I long for days in The Before Times. Selfishly.
I also realized tonight that I am extremely out of practice — being social. I used to be better at it. Somewhere along the line in The Before Times — I became outgoing, confident, and comfortable. I was quick with a joke and loved to laugh with other Humans.
I wasn’t quite the life of the party — but I enjoyed gathering. I’ve lost some of the ease I used to embody. And I’m not altogether sure I’ll be able to recover it.
It made me wonder about a whole world of Humans who have forgotten how to live and laugh together. Will we remember how that’s done ever again? Will we remember how to BE a community of friends and colleagues and acquaintances?
I hope so.
But as with everything else related to These Days — only time will tell what our world eventually looks like. And time is in no hurry to answer my questions.