There are dark places which are left better unexplored. There are secrets which are left better unspoken. There are wounds left better scabbed over. There are thoughts, feelings, histories, and bits of ourselves we get to keep.
There is no medal of honor for those who share the most. No prize for the person who bleeds their pain most profusely onto the rug. No scorecard for those whose life is filled with the worst traumas.
All that exists in the story we tell ourselves. And that story can encompass any thing — from what went wrong at work today to the complete downfall of our political system. Pick any trauma you care to — any, all of them will do — large, medium, or small.
We tell ourselves it’s important to our healing process to share our memories, our stories, our wrongs to be free of them. But is it? Or are we just stuck on the same old song — needle in the groove playing it over and over again in our brains?
What happens if we just stop talking about it? Stop obsessing about it? Stop thinking about it? Stop remembering it and reliving it? What happens when we let the history of our lives become history? When we stop dredging it up into our present moment?
When you watch something on a screen, TV or the Big screen, your brain does not delineate the scenes you are viewing as fiction. It believes what you are viewing is happening. Right now — in your reality. The same thing can happen to you when you constantly live in the hurts, the wrongs, the things that went sideways in your life. When you persistently keep telling yourself — and everyone else — all the shit storms which have come your way, your body reacts as if you are living the trauma again. Right now — in your reality.
Feel it? Feel the fight or flight of your pulse and breathing react? Feel your heart clench with the sorrow of it? Waves of confusion, anger, grief, or pain wash over you.
Did you know you have to power to stop?
We can turn our minds away from those thoughts. We can change our narrative. We can notice when we are telling ourselves the same story — AGAIN. And we can stop. We have that option if we care to exercise it.
We can heal ourselves by deciding to sit in the now. Not in the ‘what has happened to me in the past’. Because there is not one damn thing we can do about that. Not. One. Damn. Thing.
What is done. Is done.
And we can remind ourselves — it’s ok not to share. Sometimes it’s the healthest thing you can do for yourself. Some things are better if you just leave them in the past and walk away from them. The things you can’t change. The hurts so deep no one really gets it and the platitudes they offer just deepen your pain. The experiences so profound they changed your life forever in just one moment.
But only you can process them and let them go. Some things are just between you and The Universe. And that’s okay.
Luke 2:19 tells us even the Mother of God had her moments. “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” Even Mary knew some things would not be understood by even her closest friends and relatives. It was okay, not to share.