You may not have noticed it — but a few of my last couple of posts have been devoid of cussing.
No — it’s true. I purposefully attempted to write in a more PC manner and less like I actually speak.
It was hard as hell — let me tell you.
There are a couple of schools of thought regarding people who swear frequently. This Huffington Post article claims those of us who swear on a regular may be happier, healthier, and more honest than our more repressed colleagues.
On the other hand, cussing willy nilly without regard to person, place, or thing — simply for vulgarity’s sake can put you in awkward situations. I don’t need a reference for this particular fact because it’s My Lived Experience.
Let me share a list of places/circumstances you probably shouldn’t break out your best profanity:
The High Tea Party for your old boss’ retirement. Even if she did go by Darth Vader.
In an email to anyone you work with — chances are that mother fucker is going to get forwarded to someone who won’t appreciate your vast and colorful vocabulary.
In front of your children/grandchildren. They will learn all the most up to date cuss words from the kids on the bus. If you teach them to swear — they will appear old fashioned and uncool. Don’t do it. Ask THEM to help keep YOU relevant.
First Dates. Unless The Thing is really going south and you just want it all to be fucking over. Be cautious here though — some men actually find potty mouths attractive. Especially if they have a porn addiction. I can’t make this shit up.
At work or anywhere in the company of your co-workers. Unless you’re an OR nurse. In which case an inspired grasp of profanity is required as part of your J.O.B. description.
These days I am actually pretty PC in My Day-To-Day. I go long stretches — days even — without muttering a single fuck. I’m nearly giddy with Joy when I’m hanging out with my nursing friends and we revert to our base selves and every other sentence has a cuss word in it. My extended family is also on board for All. The. Cuss. Words.
The relief of being able to unburden myself of all that PC bullshit is immense.
So know that I tried. I really did. I tried to write and keep it all so squeaky clean and shiny.
But I couldn’t keep it up. I just couldn’t fucking do it. Apparently, the damage to my language center from all those years as an OR nurse is permanent.
I have to save all my PC moments for when I’m around awake patients these days. And that pretty much takes every ounce of verbal skills I own.