No one really likes to ponder worst-case scenarios. Yet, our brains seem to be hard-wired to take us on that detour — no matter how much we attempt to avoid those tight left-hand turns into traffic.
This past month My Brain has been set on a constant replay of “What-If…this is The Time that you don’t get well?” Think of it — some kind of new freshly lowered bar on my health falls into place and my entire world shifts. What-if… I never quite get back to good?
First, there is a bit of panic. Then survival mode kicks in.
Questions — completely rhetorical and unanswerable bounce around the brain like a pinball machine on crack. And then you spin. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I might add here — if you’re attempting to recover from a physical ailment — putting yourself into this kind of state of mind is definitely NOT helpful.
I know all that. This is not my first rodeo in What-If-Land — not by a long shot. I have a Ph.D. in What-If?. A lot of us do. Many times we can even sit back and recognize exactly what is happening. However, there is nothing rational in the What-If? It will only respond to said recognition when it is damn good and ready.
The What-If? must be asked. It must be addressed — fretted over — and finally dismissed — eventually — after a proper level of panic and emotional discomfort has ensued.
This month my What-If? was finally laid to rest. Not by me, exactly. It quietly stopping pinging around my brain after a talk I had with my younger daughter late one evening.
The What-Ifs? in our world only have power when we lose our Faith. Our Faith in ourselves, in our Path, in The Universe, in Love. When I remembered I was here to do The Things — all The Things She needed me to do — even perhaps do them with fussy lungs — I could let go of the What-If? Because I understood it was all part of My Path.
The Love which would carry me through My Life would always find me. Solid and sure. I never had to ponder another What-If? ever again. The Universe built Her own contingency plans — I would always be covered. Even if a What-If? turned into My Here And Now.