We can’t un-see The Dragons. And they won’t be tamed. But like the barely-broke-wild horses you ride across the desert at break-neck speed — we can learn to care for them, enjoy their company, and ride their ride when they take us out to play.
So much in this piece that I wanted to highlight — like ALL of it.
The part about letting our parents be who they were — in light of the parenting tool set they had is breakthrough stuff. People in my circle have turned to me — and one of my cousins — and said — “You guys were raised by wolves!” My reply has been — “That is a horrible insult to wolves” — because wolves are actually excellent parents. My father did better than his father. But still not anywhere near ‘parent’.
It took me decades to come to grips with my pain. Years of denial took years on a therapist’s couch to unravel the tangled knot I had woven around it to lock it down. I could have been a sailor it was so tight and secure.
One thing to remember — as you go through this — don’t be too hard on yourself because you’re not doing it as quickly as ‘the program’ says you should. Grief never arrives ‘on time’ and it never leaves ‘on time’.
And yeah — it’s usually a guy that kick starts the whole damn business. The knife in our backs — through our hearts — that we can’t pull out on our own — which makes us finally ask for help.