Recognizing what not to do
If you’ve been reading my stuff, you’ve probably heard this before:
Anger is the cover story. It’s never The Thing.
Most of the time anger is what we put out so that other Humans don’t realize how scared shitless we are. Rather like a primitive self-defense mechanism to back down any would-be physical threats.
Think hackles and growls in the canine world, the bloat of a pufferfish, the rattle of a viper — nature is full of examples of Her creations who give off visual and audio warnings to those nearby when they feel threatened and afraid.
Enter Humanity. With our Id and our complex emotional baggage. On a good day, we hide our Real Feelings — even the ‘good ones’ under layers of bullshit. And we do it so well many times we can’t even figure out what we are feeling. Love and joy get deep-sixed as easily as fear and loathing.
We are taught from an early age not to express emotions. Not to ‘feel’. Not to appear ‘weak’. Even though women get a bit more of a buy on this than men — we are still warned not to look like ‘prey’ in public places.
So. We hide All. The. Things.
And fear turns to something that looks just like anger. Or worse — rage when we are completely freaked out and scared to death.
My Life Lesson this week has been just that. A walk through an emotional labyrinth with a visit to a whole slew of emotions I had no intention of even recognizing — let alone feeling.
The Great Good Gift of My Life is that I am surrounded by other Humans who are empaths. Feeling the feelings is their superpower. They have been placed in My Life specifically to guide me past my obstacles and to help me see it’s ok to be laid low by pain, fear, uncertainty, disappointment.
I don’t need to have my shit together 100% of the time. Life won’t allow that anyway.
My job is to recognize when I’m using cover stories for my true emotions. I can say to myself — I’m pissed as hell — but if I dig deeper I can find roots of the emotions. I’m not so much pissed as I am frightened, disappointed, guarded.
And those emotions are the ones that need to come through. They are the emotions that need to be ‘seen’ and not hidden behind said defense mechanism.
But just as important as this — I also need to start looking at everyone I encounter and searching for the roots in their emotions.
We live in a country gone mad. The Us vs Them mentality is completely ripping us apart. I can sink into the despair, the fear, the disappointment that permeates this land. Or I can stop before I get sucked into The Collective.
Resistance is NOT futile. We can choose a different path than perpetual anger and the fear driving it. It starts within ourselves. Seeing our own role in responding to anger with anger — using our own self-defense mechanisms as knee jerk reactions to our inner chaos. It goes further to recognize everyone we encounter is also stuck in this same out of control downward spiral.
Fear. Disappointment. Uncertainty. And using anger as their cover story.
Nature also shows us that frightened and cornered creatures are not rational. Their primal brains and instincts have kicked in. Survival mode — fight or flight. There is no intelligent cognitive processing going on when we are poised to fight for our lives or those we hold most dear.
We are just down in it. Instinct takes over.
When I look out into the world and on social media — that is what I see. Not so much Humans who lack intelligence — but Humans who are in survival mode using anger as the cover story for emotions they are not equipped to handle.
Everyone, everything is an enemy — a potential predator. There is no trust — not in the system, not in the government, not even in each other. By looking at Humanity as so many scared, frightened, trembling, growling, hackle raised mutts — it’s easier to understand that growling back will not help either party rest easy.
I don’t have answers for those who find themselves stuck in this cycle. I do know how easy it is to go from being ok to this place of darkness and rage. I’ve lived it for so many years of My Life.
It’s only through facing my emotions with the support of the Humans who love me have I been able to feel the safety and security that allows me to rest. I don’t have to flee or fight. I can stay where I am, in peace, and just be. In My Now. I can embrace uncertainty and let go of any sense of control. I can live with disappointment — in my own actions and in the actions of others, knowing we are all doing the best we can with the skills we have.
May you have Humans in Your Life who support you and love you through All. The. Things. May your heart find peace amidst the chaos. May you let go of all that needs to go so that all the blessings that need to come to you have the space to grow and flourish. May you remember in a world where you can be anything — be kind.
“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” — Eckhart Tolle