I walked out to my car post-yoga.
There is a state of being — anyone who has practiced yoga understands what I’m talking about — Yoga Brain. You are completely blissed out. That was me as I meandered to my car. Under the light of a nearly full moon.
I pondered All. The. Things.
A lot has been going on in My Life lately. The Universe has been throwing hints at me for some time now — we are about to switch gears again. The hints are getting less and less subtle — more in your face — more ‘Oh for Fuck’s sake!’ flavor to them.
Yep. I can feel Kali-Ma raising Her head in response — wanting to burn it all down. She suffers no fools. She Who Burns All The Bridges. She Who Makes It Easy To Walk Away. She Who Rebirths Phoenixes From Their Ashes.
Her. That Kali-Ma.
So — I surrendered. Just. Like. That.
This is the lesson I have at long last learned in nearly sixty years on The Planet. Let It Be. Mother Mary’s Wisdom.
I sent out my prayer to The Universe to guide my next steps. I let Her know — whatever She had in mind — I was in. I didn’t know where we were going — but I was listening. I was going with Her flow.
As I walked, slower and slower to my car, the moonlight bathed me in peace. The Fear and Uncertainty evaporated.
I would begin again. But I would not be alone. I would not be without resources or a safety net.
I would live in The Abundance I have always had in My Life. She has always been with me. Every. Step. Of. The. Way.
I remembered all of the times I felt frightened and alone. All of the times I was literally saved by Humans She had sent to me. All of the Love I had in My Life which had come directly from Her.
I am an incredibly Rich Woman in every way which matters.
Right there — under the light of the full moon — a few hours away from the magik of Friday the 13th — I gave it all to Her.
I don’t have to tell you what has happened over the course of the next few days do I? Or maybe I should.
I picked a tenative date to retire. I then found out my facility is offering an enhanced retirement option which increases the amount I can collect until I qualify for social security.
Probably the only other Human on the planet I could room with (My Beloved Cousin) sold her house and is coming to spend the winter with me to escape upstate NY’s harsh weather. We are considering that perhaps The Universe gave us this ‘trial’ period to show us — we are as compatible as Laverne and Shirley. And we belong together on a more permanent basis.
I spent a weekend in New England with my older daughter and remembered how much I love fall. Real Fall with crisp air and no A/C. A time when my asthma and allergies settle down.
A town near my younger daughter and her family suddenly is on my radar with affordable housing, a wonderful yoga studio, a great coffee shop, AND a brewery.
Yes, this time — I am listening. And Letting It All Be.