Everyone lies. But as my friend Julia E Hubbel pointed out recently in a response to one of my posts — the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.
This week has been filled with glorious moments of clarity and truth for me — facing misconceptions, dealing with the narratives of my past, clearing out things I clung to which no longer served me, looking at the voids in my life, and letting go over and over.
Psychological house keeping — letting go — much like Nirvana is a process. It’s not a one and done sort of accomplishment. Or so I have recently discovered.
You will think you have let go of It All. You will think you have made peace. You will think you have set your feet upon a path set by The Universe. And maybe you have. But there might be a wrong turn, or a barnacle of something toxic will get attached to you, or you will begin to feel the stirrings of unrest. That’s the point in time the lies will begin.
Because it is easier to lie than to face the truth that you have to shift gears, change directions, move away from something or someone you have been close to. The outcome you had planned in your mind is not an option any more.
It is human nature to over stay our welcome. We do it in every relationship we have. We do it in our work lives until we burn out, we do it with our families until vicious feuds erupt, we do it with our romantic partners until our love life crashes and burns. Would it have to be so — if we only told ourselves the truth?
Living with open hands means allowing what needs to come to come into your life — conversely — it means allowing what needs to go — to go.
This week I witnessed the profound grace of humans allowing the ultimate in living openly as they lived Now to Now with the life limiting diagnosis of metastatic cancer. Hands open, accepting each moment in time as the gift it is.
I listened to coworkers, past and present, struggle with our chosen career. The burn out rate in Nursing is 100%. It’s not a matter of if you get burned out, it’s only a matter of when. Nurses must leave jobs they enjoy, people they love, and start fresh over and over again to save themselves. But often they don’t. They lie about what is happening to them and chose to dance with the Devil they know instead of letting go.
This week was also about missing people I care about. My professional life is filled with people I count as my friends. I flat out miss them. I lied to myself about the impact of leaving them would have on me. In time, I’ll become integrated into the new culture at work. No doubt. But the truth is most of my friends are other nurses. People who aren’t nurses usually don’t last too long around me. And that is another truth that needed facing.
Julia inspired me to look for the full and half truths in my life and keep vigilant as more barnacles of self-lies attached themselves to my psyche. Living your life in your truth is a much easier path. Understanding that attachments to the outcomes of those self-lies end up driving the train of your own misery is a massive discovery. And actively removing them over and over is the key to finding peace.
Say it with me kids — Letting go is not a one and done deal.
Letting go is just plain and simple good housekeeping. Do it now, but keep doing it. Don’t keep anything in your life that isn’t serving you.