This is so beautiful Dear Dennett. I found myself nodding along with each sentence. I cannot tell you what a comfort it is to find another soul who understands. When I was 12 and my mother went into the hospital for the final time - my family finally uttered the word "Terminal" in my presence. Even at that age - I understood that there would be no more memories of time spent with my mother. I grieved that bit first. Immediately. Everything you wrote is so very true. I wanted to highlight the whole of it. And I don't believe I have read the book your therapist gave you as homework. I am about to remedy that! And one final note: My therapist also kept circling back to my childhood traumas to help me connect the dots to my day-to-day experiences as an adult. I sat on his couch for over seven years & still check back in occasionally for tune-ups. <3 Thank you so for sharing this. <3