Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

In the last six months or so — every time I arch my back into ‘cat’ or ‘cow’ position — it’s there. When I gently roll up into ‘bridge’ pose — it’s there then too.

Right below my left shoulder blade, on the backside of my heart. The pain.

I always wonder why its there?

I’ve worked diligently over eighteen years of my yoga practice to crank open a completely welded shut heart chakra. I’ve peeled layer after layer of armor off my chest, released grief and found my breath at long last. But now — pain. And only in these two poses.

It aches, this wound, and I always forget it’s there, until I drop to my knees and begin to roll into cow. Then it nearly takes my breath away with the swiftness of its manifestation.

I get up and flow through standing poses — raising my arms, even arching my back with no further sensation. Until I lay down and bridge pose activates the pain again. Camel pose, even wheel does not bother The Wound. Just these two asanas.

The thought, “I’ve been stabbed, I just don’t know who or why — yet.” echos in my mind. And my intuition silently nods Her head as we continue to roll through another set of cat/cow — breathing through the pain. Is this my past or my future that is trying to communicate with me? Leftover remnants of a psychic wound or a premontion of some future event?

More layers of intrigue get added to this riddle as I go. On that area sits a tattoo of my animal spirit guide. Why would my Wolf be trying so hard to get my attention?

When I got the tattoo Her job was to ‘watch’ my back and ‘guard’ my heart. So far She’s done a fabulous job. But lately She aches with two subtle heart opening poses.

I started the above post about two weeks ago. Fast forward to Sunday morning. Two days after I walked out of one of the most stressful J.O.B.s on the planet.

Sunday in yoga — I roll through cat/cow fluidly. I am nearly done with the sequence and moving back into child’s pose when it hits me — there was no pain. Not even a twinge of sensation.

I wait till the end of the class when we elevate into bridge and sure enough — up I go — free, with ease and painlessly assuming my old friend. Shoulders back, heart open, core strong.

As I drift off in corpse pose I ponder at this new freedom and then there is the nothingness of yoga nidra.

But now I know. I know the knife in my back was of my own doing. My own doubts which kept me staked to a place in time I shouldn’t be. The last six months The Universe had been nudging me for my own physical and emotional well being to move on. But I was stubborn. So stubborn I literally staked my own heart to the ground to remain with my friends.

I did not want to leave. Even though Everything In Me knew I had to.

My Wolf, My Heart, The Universe — every where there were signs, even physical pain — begging me to re-evaluate my stress level, my emotional needs, and my current life situation.

Lesson learned. When you get a tattoo and spiritually imprint it to ‘watch your back’ — know that She will. Even to the point of showing you the stake you have metaphorically driven into your own being. Until you finally remove it.


Self discovery in progress, stay tuned

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