What do you do with the anger?
It’s been a tough week — out There.
And I’ve been really pissed off.
I’ve tried breathing. I’ve tried yoga. I’ve tried meditation. Last night I even tried tequila. It didn’t help. Nothing helped.
So I wrote. I wrote all about The Anger. All. The. Things. I am so disappointed about. Frightened about. Sad about. Stressed about.
Because it’s not really anger at all — is it? Is it ever? When you stop and really exam it — anger is always the cover story. For a while there — I was pushing ‘righteous indignation’ to a new, higher level than I have in quite some time.
But none of us get to stand on this particular pedestal. And sure enough — way up at that altitude, I soon began to feel the dizziness of the thinner air and toppled down to earth again.
I am attached. Very attached to a certain future, it seems.
A future where Life is as I planned it.
A future where none of my friends become infected with the plague at work and die.
A future where nothing screws up my plans to retire and travel.
A future where my Best Friend and I go on glorious adventures and see All. The. Wonderous. Things.
A future where my family is safe, healthy, whole.
A future where I see my granddaughters whenever I choose.
A future that is safe, secure, happy, full of love. Blessed even.
I am also very attached to a certain set of beliefs.
Beliefs in contracts I hold with Humans/institutes/The Divine.
A belief that my employer will always provide me with the tools I need to be safe which allows me to take care of my patients in a moral and ethical manner.
A belief that no one dies before their time.
A belief that I am strong enough for These Days.
A belief that love is love is love.
A belief that life is an echo — you get what you give.
A belief that we are all one — there is no other.