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Photo by dylan nolte on Unsplash

I’ve been noticing this week that the Powerball lottery has jumped to over $400 million in prize money. I notice it because it’s on billboards all over the places where I drive.

In the past, a tantalizing carrot like that would have compelled me to go down to my local grocery store for a lottery ticket — or ten. When I lived in New York their lottery system had a great PR catchphrase. It went something like this —

All you need is $1 and a dream

Last July I made one decision. Just the one. And it completely changed everything about my life. So much so — I no longer feel the need to spend money on ‘The Dream’ of being insanely wealthy.

Hindsight tells us most people who are handed that particular ‘Dream’ have their lives completely upended and find themselves in worse straights than where they started. They lose friends, relationships, family members over the distribution of the wealth. They are magnets for unscrupulous characters. Their self-worth becomes undermined because they can never be completely certain if they are loved for being themselves or if they are loved because they ‘won’ the lottery. How sad for them!

Last night as I drove home — I counted all the blessings which flowed into my life when I chose to leave what was an energy-sapping work environment. In the ensuing months, I have been able to provide all the self-care necessary to heal and it has made an enormous difference in the vibe I send out into the world.

My Wish List has consistently been being ticked off in an orderly fashion of all those ‘things’ I used to fantasize about should I win ‘The Dream’ of insane wealth.

Things like:

Being able to make ends meet without concern — my new J.O.B. came with enough of a raise so I am now able to comfortably to do just that.

Making sure my kids had enough and were not in any kind of financial jeopardy — their grandfather, sadly, passed away a while ago and left them both a very generous legacy. While we would all still much prefer his presence to his legacy, his kindness to my children is a gift I am unceasingly grateful for.

Providing for my grandchildren’s college needs — I am able to tuck some extra cash into a college fund for them thanks again to the fact I moved to a J.O.B. which allows me financial breathing space.

Having a someone in my life. Ironically — I met him in the coffee shop near my new J.O.B. Repeatedly. The Universe kept throwing him at me until I relented and we went out. Having him in my life has upped the laughter and joy quotient by the gazillions.

Having the freedom to take care of myself — my new J.O.B. offers me the luxury to make and keep any appointments I might need. I am finally getting in all the routine health maintenance visits every MD wants their patients to have and no nurse ever has the flexibility in her schedule to do.

Having the time/money/schedule to travel — I am going to a party for my cousin’s 60th birthday next weekend in upstate NY. Then 2 trips to see my granddaughters in November. January it’s back to Tucson. My SO is trying to figure out when we can skip out to visit his beloved Denver. My Sagittarian wanderlust is dancing a happy dance she hasn’t done in years.

On the drive home I looked hard at my life and I knew — $400 million would not buy me one single fucking thing I didn’t already have in my life.

I already had my “Dream”. Somewhere along the way — I had already won.

Namaste.

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Self discovery in progress, stay tuned

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