I was talking to an old friend the other day. We were discussing life, kids, relationships, jobs — you name it — we covered it. But there was a theme which ran through the conversation — what having each of those things in our lives cost us.
For to be a woman in our culture — you pay. For every person and thing in your life you buy it with a piece of your soul. You make compromises, you suck up injustices, and you put your name on the bottom of the list just to ‘have it all’.
How fucked up is that?
Work/Life balance is a laugh out loud joke to most working mothers. They live their lives on a tight wire, riding a bicycle, juggling chainsaws — and the bike is on fire. With no safety net below. For them — there is only survival. The hope is their children and perhaps their marriage might survive till better days. But truthfully — if they have to chose — they chose the kids, of course, and to hell with the marriage. Because he’s supposed to be a grown up.
That brings me to relationships. The place where fairy tales and romantic comedies tell us how it all ends well. Roll credits. They don’t tell you that all Cinderella really wanted was a night off and a new dress. She never wanted to trade one type of captivity for another. The Prince was so besotted with her, he couldn’t even remember what she looked like and used her shoe to find her. Not her face. Not her voice. Her foot. Because he never saw her, or heard her. The subtle subtext of fairy tales is there if you look.
Relationships will cost you too. Romance doesn’t last. In the end you won’t be seen or heard. Apparently he will notice how cute and petite your feet are — the foot fettish present even in the days of old.
I don’t ever remember any fairy tale where the Prince proposed — out loud — and the woman in question was given a choice. It was just assumed she preferred to be ‘rescued’ from her life of obviously much less value.
Am I down on True Love? Not particularly — I’m just saying — it comes at a high cost. And a lot of us are not willing to pay it any more.
You get to a stage in your emotional or spiritual development where you begin to notice how much happier you are just being you. You don’t need another human to validate your existence, you cease to long for the company of a mate, and a relationship where another soul is working out their shit on you is simply too exhausting to ponder. You shun the chaos attached to all of that nonsense.
You have also noticed the nasty habit the human race has of lying. Everyone lies about something. If you wait long enough for it — it will show up. Just be patient.
You can only control how you react when you are out and about in the world dealing with the imperfection of relationships with other mortals. Having relationships with humans will cost you. It will cost you every single time. Only you can decide if the price is right and if you have enough in your emotional bank account to be able to afford it.