Thank you for your response. That’s great information your shared. Our brains — emotions — ability to function and life are so entwined. Such good advice to look at the positive. Part of how we cope depends so much on the narrative that runs in our brain.

I think we all speak from our own experiences. I have PTSD which produced in me a life of panic attacks. No one knew why I was so anxious as the source of my PTSD was hidden so far in my brain it took years for my adult self to even open that box up. My anxiety actually became a source of ridicule and amusement to those close to me — compounding the trauma. Would I have have been helped sooner by a loving and supportive family? Who knows?

Eventually I dropped my sheilds and went into therapy and you’re right that only takes you so far. It allows you to function, perhaps. To manage a relationship, perhaps — though not in my case. To have fewer panic attacks or at least manage the ones that appear, perhaps. To find your soul again, perhaps — if you’re really lucky.

But the triggers stay. You are so right about that. I took up yoga because I was told it would help me balance my darkness & my light. It would help me make my triggers less set on ‘hair trigger’ mode. And it has. 18 years now — and I’m getting there. But I was triggered just last weekend. So it doesn’t go away. Not even after 52 years.

My friends hold space for me now. When I feel the anxiety starting — I can focus on the good, the love, the woman I have become — in spite of what happened to me. It is easier to talk yourself down when you have that safety net under you. Because you know even if you screw this whole thing called life up — your people will catch you. You don’t even know why, you don’t even understand how they could love you. But they do.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and reply to it so open heartedly. I have learned a lot this morning. I had to google CPT and PE. :) I hope you have people in your life who are a safety net for you as well. We all need each other. In the end, I think that might be the most important thing.

Self discovery in progress, stay tuned

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