It started out like most of my adventures on horseback. There were a few things which were slightly modified.
I was riding bare-back. Not even a pad between me and White Cloud. She was my first horse. She had ‘character’. Her previous owner, also a young girl, had abused her badly. It had taken me a long time to earn her trust. But now, we were a team.
I wasn’t wearing my riding boots. I had on a pair of moccasins. I loved those things. Somewhere in a past life — no doubt — I had been a Native American. I believe that is where My Warrior comes from. And my ability to ride and stay with just about any horse I choose to sit on. I rode horses for a long time. Trained and broke a couple. It was a rare occasion when I came off one not of my own accord. I had what is known in show circles as a “good seat”. I was born with it and it let me clean up in equitation classes.
For some reason that day I had chosen to braid my nearly hip length blondish hair. I didn’t often mess with my hair. I was fourteen and into horses not boys. I didn’t give a rat’s ass what I looked like — and neither did the horses.
On this particular ride, I was alone. And as we jumped from walk to gallop (no one voluntarily trots bare-back) I let out White Cloud’s throttle. We were on an abandoned dirt road in Bum Fuck Pennsylvania. There would be no traffic, no Humans, no one to encounter or disturb our run.
At full speed, wind in my face — I felt the complete freedom from all my cares and worries. My anxiety let go and a strange sense of ‘Whatever will be — will be’ came over me. Could this be Peace? I hadn’t really walked My Life without the constant companionship of Anxiety since my mother’s death two years previously.
Then I happened to catch a glimpse of our shadow — to my left — on the dirt road. And that is when I met Her. The Goddess. Riding there in our shadow right along next to me.
In this moment we were all FREE. Me. White Cloud. Kali.
I felt Her Presence. I sensed Her Peace. I absorbed Her Freedom. All. The. Things. Gifts She offered. She knew I suffered — But She had sent me Her Creatures to comfort me. And She Herself would always be there.
I did not learn until later the Yin/Yang of Her. The Destroyer/Creator balance must exist in Life. She is the wielder of both. Both bring their own gifts if we lean into it and pay attention to Our Lives. If we trust The Process. If we trust Her.
I’d love to tell you that was a Life changing moment. But it wasn’t. It took decades to figure out My Life. In fact, I’m very much still working on it. Because it’s a Journey — not a destination. I will never have it fully ‘done’. Until I am ‘done’. And even then — who knows? I might be back, or I might end up someplace else with more to do.
But I am sure about this. Where ever I go. She is there.