Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Kourosh Qaffari on Unsplash

I was unlovable.

Nothing good ever happened to me.

No one in my family liked me.

I was plain.

I could never get Life right.

I was lonely. All. The. Time.

I was scared. All. The. Time.

I was lost.

I didn’t know who I was.

The Most Important Person In My World Died.

No one understood me.

I was a freak.

I had the wrong clothes, the wrong words, the wrong hair, the wrong everything.

I was bullied.

I had a chronic illness.

I had anxiety so severe, at times I could not function.

I almost died.

I had a very sick kid.

I had a failed marriage.

I couldn’t make a romantic relationship last more than a few months.

I lost friends. Lots and lots of friends.

Those are only some of the stories I could tell myself. If I cared to. But I don’t. Our Lives are a clean page. A new chance to write ‘Once upon a time…” with every single breath. We don’t even have to wait for tomorrow — we can start with the very next breath.

Exhale. Inhale.

Look at your page. It is completely blank. YOU get to decide from this moment on what your story will be.

I am loved by Excellent Humans and Magical Creatures.

I am The Luckiest Witch on the face of The Planet.

My daughters, my sons-in-law, my granddaughters, my cousins really do like me a lot.

I am bold. I am beautiful. I get more so with every passing day. Age becomes me.

I am learning more each day about what a Gift Life is and I lean Joy-Fully into each moment I am given.

I may be alone — but I am never lonely. I treasure my solitude.

I have learned Fear is a liar. There is nothing to Fear because I have survived every day of My Life to date. The Universe has my back.

I am not lost — I am on My Path — right where I am supposed to be at every single step and every single moment in time.

I am Real Ann. And All. The. Things. to all the Humans who love me.

The Most Important Person In My World isn’t gone completely — She’s just not here in physical form. I have learned to ‘see’ her everywhere I look. I am never without her love.

I learned not to give any fucks at all about other people’s opinions. Whether they understand me or think I’m a freak — what they think of me or my choices is none of my business.

There is no ‘Wrong’ anything, There is only that which makes me feel good, safe, and loved.

I have learned compassion towards those who strike out at me and others. I see their pain. I am thankful for their lessons as they have given me the ability to hold boundaries and practice self-care.

I embrace My Body and all her needs. She is the sacred vessel that carries me through this Life. When we need to rest — she lets me know and I respect her for it. When she becomes anxious — I understand it is my intuition warning me there is danger ahead. When I care for her — she cares for me.

Death became my friend and lost it’s hold on me. It is a transition to The Next Thing. FOR ALL OF US. No one gets out alive. We all get to die.

I could not protect my children from the lessons on their own paths. Even a Mother’s Love will only reach so far. So you learn to let go. And you learn to give the true gifts of parenting — roots and wings — so they can make their own way on their own journey. Even the very painful parts.

I realized relationships are an equation requiring two people. Marriage, dating, friendship. You can’t keep pouring yourself out to someone who isn’t interested in having you around. People get to choose. I learned to love the sound of my feet walking away from All. The. Things. not meant for me.

I stopped telling myself the stories that could never in a million tellings ever have a happy ending.

I began to look at My Life and dig out the plot twists and make note of the places where happy endings might occur with a good edit.

And then — then — I began to work on those storylines. I began to embellish them on my blank pages.

It took time. And practice. And Goddess knows — it sure didn’t happen overnight. But slowly — My Life changed.

The old stories fell away. They sat unread — untold in an abandoned library in the dark corner of my psyche. They were replaced by new stories.

The new stories were brighter. The new stories were full of hope. The new stories oozed love, compassion, and kindness.

The new stories were the Human I wanted to be. Real Ann. The Human my children could be proud of. The Human my granddaughters would remember. The Human my friends could count on.

But it all began with — Once upon a time…and a blank page.

Namaste.

Written by

Self discovery in progress, stay tuned

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store