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I went walking today. I do my best thinking while walking. One of the many reasons why I love to hike. The moving meditation process.
Today as I walked — I pondered All The Ghosts Of Relationships Past.
You know how that goes — you take the thing out and mull it over. You attempt to find The Pearl — The Lesson — The Insight. The whole reason why the broken hearts had to happen in the first place. Yours or theirs.
When I look at the relationships I have attempted to have since my divorce I found it came down to just this one fact:
I’m not ready.
It’s that painfully simple.
Even after nearly ten years of being on My Own — I’m. Not. Ready.
I had a good marriage for a long time. And — I am unwilling to replace That Which Was.
I tried to date for many years. I tried to convince myself I just hadn’t met The Right One. I fooled myself — and many men — into believing I was ready to love a someone.
But I wasn’t.
Today as I walked — I began to understand many things.
I understood — I am the common denominator in all the relationships I’ve had. None of which have lasted more than a few months.
