Do you ever feel that way?
All My Life I have been able to pull myself into another consciousness level with the simple mantra of “I”. Pondering my own existence as a Human — looking at Her Hands and realizing they belong to Me.
Some days I feel like I am dreaming This Life. There is a surreal texture to The Experiences. I am a Third Party Witness to the events which are unfurling in my day-to-day existence.
It is when I am in that state — watching and witnessing — that I find the most peace.
It is when I — The Animating I — The Eternal I — The I who knows these hands of this body are just one set in a line of many we have used over time — when this I becomes present that I understand who I truly am.
I am not My Body — although I am so very grateful for the gift of Her. She has been a true friend for all these decades — even when I have been unkind to her.
I am not My Thoughts — although I am grateful for the gift of them — they can guide me at times to the place where time and space melt away. Through The Doorway into Peace.
I am More than the sum total of All. The. Things. I am This — My Soul. Who peeks out at the world through Her eyes and sees Her Hands and Hears Her Thoughts and understands Her Human Experience better with each passing stab at it.
We all are The Sum Total. The Saints and The Sinners. All of us. Each of us in our own way — learning to be Human with each turn of the Karmic wheel. Remembering and forgetting lessons. And starting all over again. Each day. Each Life.
Some remember better than others. Others just pretend to be Human. A few seem like they never were — or might never be Human.
That is what I tell myself when the news is bad, atrocities slam into me sideways, people stop Humaning and behave as though being a Human or humane is such a bad thing.
Maybe the next go-round — they will actually become Human and not just dress up like one. Apparently some Humans take longer to cook than others.
Thankfully — She, Who Is — is a patient Mother to us all.
Easter — Oestra — is a time to seek balance. To find Light in the Darkness. But also to allow The Darkness in The Light. We cannot exist without both. Even modern psychology tells us we recognize Our Darkness when it shows up in those around us most acutely.
We see the parts of ourselves which are Least Human and react to them. For better or worse.
Allow yourself The Gift of Knowing this. Allow yourself to embrace The Balance of Darkness and Light. Allow yourself to Forgive others and yourself the inability to maintain the mask of Humanity 24/7/365.
Do this and you will find your Humanity. Every. Single. Time. Every. Single. Day.