Love Plays The Long Game
At first the relief of being out of it supercedes every other thing. Things are still hard — like walking through a swamp hard — but the constant suffocating beast who sat on your chest is gone. You might even be taking full breaths again. You catch yourself actually smiling one day.
Your mind protects you from all that was good for a long time. The grieving process is put on hold because survival has been the first and foremost concern for so long. You forget there ever was anything worth hanging on to or fighting for because those feelings turned to rot ages ago. Fear had kept you there — frozen in that place. And now that you are free — you are not going to admit — even to yourself — there were any pearls or lessons to be had from the nightmare you managed to crawl out of.
Later, however, the first bubbles of emotion will percolate to the surface and you will be forced to face them. They will arise and pop unexpectedly filling your Now with bittersweet memories you had buried so deeply even your subconscious gasps with surprise.
Your heart will demand to be opened, aired out again, and allowed to give and receive Love. The heart knows Her purpose in this life and She will not be denied no matter how many logical conversations your Brain has with Her. No matter how wounded She may have been — She still insists on marching forward into Life to Love.
Because Love — Real Love will always find a way. Like the dandelion in the asphalt, the meandering stream through the rock, the impossible becomes possible. Softly, quietly, patiently She waits us all out.
Time will bring you to a place where you will learn how to Love without condition. You will learn to Love openly — remaining free and giving freedom in return. You will come to a place where the memories of the past do not haunt you but are seen as the gifts of Love they were. Each one turned over in your heart and treasured, no longer a painful thing — but a jewel which leaves you feeling grateful and blessed. You will see Love is Love is Love, whether it shows up in the form of a cold wet nose attached to a wagging tail, a cooing grandchild with the irresistible new baby smell, or the complete acceptance of your Tribe. Love will insistently arrive knocking on your door — smiling into your heartspace.
So open up. Open slowly if you must — but open your heart and your hands. Receive and let go — because Real Love is always there. Patient, kind, enduring, slow to anger, seeking the truth. Just waiting for us to be ready to open the door to come out to play.