I’ve given this a bit of thought on my rampage through Dating Hell. There were many days when I seriously doubted I had it in me to ‘Fall In Love’ again. Since I entered middle age — the compromises involved in loving another human in a romantic sort of way just did not seem worth the return.
We were all such flawed beings — the men and me. I couldn’t get past it. Their issues or mine.
But The Universe is undaunted by our plans/thoughts/desires. She has Her own ideas about All. The. Things. which we need to learn in our lifetimes here on Planet Earth. And Damned if She will be thwarted in Her efforts.
I am being taught ever so gently to look beyond my concepts. Of Everything. Every. Damn. Thing. I have been given an entirely new lens with which to examine Life — a new scale to measure my flaws and weaknesses.
I have used these tools to weigh my past and measure my steps. I have often chosen to walk my path alone because it was the easy thing to do. I have acknowledged the places when I could have opened myself and allowed my mistakes, my errors, my imperfections, my wounds to show. But, I was not brave enough to be vulnerable.
Brene Brown writes about living past the point of vulnerability — about making the choice to open up to Life— “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”
Kris Gage writes here prolifically about relationships. And one of the best pearls I’ve ever read of hers is this: Love is a choice. We choose it. Or we unchoose it. Or we decide not to choose it — which is still a choice. And that is what I had been doing for years — deciding not to choose it.
If I did not choose vulnerability or Love, or to open to another human — I could keep all my flaws so very well hidden in their dark places. I could keep pretending I was enlightened and dancing with my Demons without missing any steps. I could be Invincible, SuperGirl, Wonder Woman, and anyone else I chose to be — no one would be the wiser.
But if you choose Love — you have to show them all your stuff. All that messy shit you really hate letting out of the dark. You have to tell the truth about yourself — to them AND to yourself. The Gig is up. Your pain must be shared.
Love is not a many splendor thing — in truth, it’s messy as hell and not for any fucking coward. Only the bold, the brave, and the strong of heart need apply.
One last quote for you —
“What if pain — like love — is just a place brave people visit?” Love Warrior — Glennon Doyle Melton