I have several good friends who seem born to coupledom. They are happiest when they are in a pair. I see them glow with a significant other in their life. It makes me happy they are so happy.
However, even when I look at them, I see where I would chaffe under the same circumstances. I am not made for that. There is a tranquility that has come with accepting this fact. The letting go of the struggle to find a soulmate is completely liberating.
Our culture puts such great pressure on this process it is unheard of — the possibility of a contented single existence.
But why? There are many things about my single life I find truly fulfilling and quite enjoyable. No really. I don’t feel like half a person searching for some one to ‘complete me’. I’m a whole just as I am. Let me tell you about some of the perks of my single existence.
I’m a middle aged woman. I can at long last just be me. I am a Nana — I am past the notice of many. And also past their judgement. This is the most free I have ever felt in my entire life. I am Real Ann finally!
There is no one to check in with. No one waiting for me at home. No one else’s proclivities to accommodate. No one’s idiosyncrasies to work around. No one to debate with. No one to move my things. No one to mess up my home. No one to derail my time tables. No one to interfere with the relationships I have with my kids, my grandchildren, or my friends.
There is a peace which comes when you think about the fact that your body is your own. Completely. The potency of this revelation is empowering beyond words. I finally have permission to own my own skin. Scars, stretch marks, soft, saggy places. I don’t need a consult from a second party to get another tattoo. This is who I am. My body is my friend these days. No judge to tell me maybe I should hit the gym, or dye my hair, or get botox. I like who I see in the mirror and my opinion is the only one which matters.
My time is my own as well. I don’t have to engage in the lunacy which is dating. On line or otherwise. I can spend time with people who already know me and love me instead of trying to convince a total stranger to give me a ‘chance’. In days gone by when I was out on a date I would be wishing I had just gone dancing with my friends instead. These days — I just go dancing with my friends. Wisdom comes with age.
And lastly, I have found building a relationship with myself and The Universe an immensely satisfying endeavor. Giving my own body and my own soul the energy I used to pour into an a relationship has let me heal so many of my deepest wounds. Self care in place of self sacrafice is magic.
Men can be wonderfully loyal and solid friends. I am a very good ‘Friend of Man’ these days. The men in my life are Good Men. I am blessed over and over by their kindness and love. They are the brothers of my heart and I am grateful for each and every one of them, make no mistake.
I will leave you with this quote from Marcus Tullius Cicero, “What then is freedom? The power to live as one wishes.” That is exactly what I have found in my life as a single person.