A friend recently commented to me that I was the only woman he ever met who wasn’t the least bit bitter over her exes. I took that as an immense compliment as to the state of my emotional health.
In truth, I used to use that same thing as a litmus test when I would go out on the Dot Com dates. You could always tell how a date would go by the number of times someone brought up their ex in conversation and the tone with which they referred to them.
If you are still talking about someone — you are still giving that relationship energy. If you are talking negatively about someone — there are still deep feelings attached to that relationship because the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. You haven’t let go. Not even close.
As an adult — a mature adult — I know every guy I meet is going to bring some baggage to any potential relationship. I’ve got some too. But the goal is everyone has unpacked and repacked their shit into carryons. No one is hauling around travel trunks and has the need for porters. That’s just way too much stuff to build any kind of sane, stable, adult relationship on at my age.
Or any age really. But at my age, I’m done suffering fools gladly. I’d rather be single.
Most days I don’t even think about the men who used to be considered my significant others. When I do, it’s usually with a smile and a blessing as I come across some piece of something in my world they put right. I am always grateful for their part in that.
I hope all of them find joy and contentment in their lives. Because everyone deserves that. But I mentally and emotionally sent them on their way so long ago — even that wish is just a distant echo.
There came a moment in time when I realized I didn’t need another person to be Real Ann. I built my life, found myself, and settled into the now with it’s drops of joy. And left the rest up to The Universe.
In the end, I was never in control anyway. Control is just a bedtime story we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night. These days, I sleep better knowing that someone else is steering the ship. And She has the Big Picture and truly my best interests at heart.
“Letting go of what needs to go, letting come what needs to come.” Words to live by — Tosha Silver from Outrageous Opennes.