We are so attached to who we believe we are.
We cling to the land marks by which we label and define ourselves. Even those of us working on that elusive brass ring referred to as enlightenment have difficulty letting go of the ‘us-ness’ of being human.
Ego is a powerful force. And never is it more prevalent than in the emotion of umbrage. This is where the rubber meets the road — where we confront all the bullshit. It is in the critique of what we percieve to be our identity.
How many of us can take a blow to a belief well?
I came face to face with this experience when someone expressed a less than flattering opinion about me at my J.O.B.
I believe myself to be an excellent nurse, efficient, organized — a paragon of virture. I am a more — better — brighter — shiner nurse than all the of rest of the nurses out there. I was born to be a nurse. My OCD requires that I be the best possible version of anything I undertake. Nurse, mother, friend, yogini…etc.
It is WHO I am. My Identity screams back at me as I ponder the message behind the critical words. I can not be Less Than!!!!
And after Her hissy fit — I find, no — it is not who I am at all. Interestingly enough — it is what I do, not who I am. My Identity is aghast!
The stages of outrage My Identity marched me through in order to ratify her existence were useless. Eventually Real Ann reasserted herself and managed to quiet the ego/Identity child temper tantrum. Being Less Than in any subject is good. A preferred place to stand. If you are striving for More Than in any category, you are an unbalanced individual doomed to repeat a pattern of never ending disappointment with yourself.
My ego and The Identity I chose to express myself with in this life is not who I am at all. They are but just a tiny fraction of my being. Real Ann is much deeper, much wiser, much older, much more connected. To Everything.
When I quieted down My Identity and re-evaluated the situation in question — I found Real Ann. She is a nurse because she has an energy that heals people. She’s good at it, naturally, because her soul has done this work for many lifetimes. Healing other people also heals her and quiets the OCD so it is a symbiotic relationship.
The opinions of others are not important to Real Ann, her work, or her healing process. Others are on their own journey, making their own peace, in their own way. There was a great quote I read a while back, it reminded me that what other people think of me is none of my business. Even when they say it out loud to me, I should still adopt that stance.
Keeping My Identity out of the fray, my ego undercover, and Real Ann in the driver’s seat is one of my plans for 2018.
Deep Breath. Wish me luck!