I think it’s incredibly difficult not to fall back into relationship patterns that one sets from the past. Society, The Inner Voices, and miscommunications all play their part. Apparently I still have a lesson to learn, because even when I think I’m doing things differently — it basically turns out to be the same guy. Lesson repeated. :) And that echo is on me. The warning signs and intuition I didn’t listen to. As I wrote this piece —it could have been about any of my last few relationships — in truth. Not just the most recent. It is on me to learn to listen to my inner wisdom and figure out what I need and to stop repeating this lesson in my life.
He — and his predecessors — were not bad humans. Good friendship material, maybe. But they did not understand who I really am — and that scared the shit out of them.