I’m not exactly sure when I figured this part of my life out.
It was certainly some time after I went on sabbatical from online dating. But even then — I still dabbled with the men I would meet IRL. Initially, I would argue fiercely with The Universe and rebuff their attentions. Eventually, though, I would give in and accept an invitation to dinner.
After that, I would look up to find myself ‘in a relationship’. Usually with mixed feelings about the whole thing.
I have never regretted the lessons I learned or the experiences I shared with those men. But at some point in time — I figured out I never did need a man in my life.
I was a complete Human all on my own. And had always been one.
Even when I was growing up and later as a married person, I took care of All. The. Things. I was the responsible adult in every single situation. I even made a career out of taking care of other humans.
I’m that good at not needing to be looked after.
The whole Fairy-Tale-Princess business sold to women as children — that we are helpless and powerless in our given circumstances — always left a bitter taste in my mouth. I was way more enchanted with the fact Cinderella and Snow White had animals as friends than in their ability to land Prince Charming as a spouse.
So I began to look at this. REALLY look at what I wanted in my life. The kinds of relationships that brought me what I needed.
At the end of all my pondering what I came to realize I wanted — was a friend.
A very good friend.
I didn’t want romance — I wanted friendship, affection, respect. Stability.
Just like I had in my relationships with friends.
I didn’t want chaos — I wanted peace, trust, lack of drama. Kindness
Just like I had in my relationships with friends.
I didn’t want limitations — I wanted adventures, a partner-in and out- of crime. Fun.
Just like I had in my relationships with friends.
I wanted a person who could see me, hear me, understand me. Real Ann. Who I am now and who I might grow into later.
