I Know She’s Your Friend And All, But…

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Me & My Spirit Animal — Don’t Fuck With My Pack

Let me tell you, there is no good way to end that sentence.

Here’s why.

She’s my friend. I already know about any perceived character flaw you are about to share with me. In fact, she’s an old, dear friend — I love her because of those flaws, which I identified years ago. This is not breaking news.

The fact that you think I’m the kind of person who would stand there and entertain gossip with you about my friend is a grievous insult to my character. I’m already offended and you haven’t even gotten to the part where you going to insult my friend. You’ve completely pissed me off by attempting to have this conversation with me.

You are not my friend. Attempting to point out my bad taste in the people I hold close to my heart and include in my inner circle will not get you an invite to that place. I don’t swap people out because someone pointed out I have a ‘defective’ friend. I examine the finger doing the pointing very carefully though and ponder what their motives might be.

And lastly, if you care to start this conversation, you better be prepared for the way it ends. I didn’t start this conversation, but I damn well finished it. I defend my friends with all the fury of my Fire Archer temperment. We are loyal beasts — brutally honest. And because of that our circle is usually small. The people who tolerate us are loved and cherished deeply. We don’t really give a fuck what other people think of us.

My advice — if you are EVER tempted to begin a sentence with that phrase. Don’t do it. It reflects more poorly on you than anything you could have said about the person you were about to trash talk. And if the person really is their friend, they will find out what you said. In fact, EVERYONE will find out that you are a not-to-be-trusted-gossip. But then again, that probably isn’t breaking news either.

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Self discovery in progress, stay tuned

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