This week a theme keeps coming up in My Life. I’m not usually one to dwell on the past. Even in the month of January — when our culture, en masse, engages in the time-honored tradition of seeking to ‘Do Better’ this New Year by beating themselves up about all the shit we got wrong in the previous one.
However — for me — it is with a Grateful Heart — not self-conflagration that I take a peek back in time at My Journey and The Path I traveled.
Much of my peace in 2019 can be traced back to A Single Leap Of Faith I took in July of 2018.
Back in 2018, I was working in an OR — a J.O.B I loved with people I adored. I was hard pressed to let go of a position which had fit me to a tee just a year or two previously.
However internal changes in my facility had major fallout for my situation.
Larger issues with staffing and management, smaller issues with hating my 5 AM alarm clock and taking call all played their part in the many-layered Beast which grew into The Monster Of My Discontent.
The Universe kept squeezing me. Adding more and more dissatisfaction to what had begun as minor irritations until I finally felt I had no options but to go in search of a New Path.
But isn’t that how She gets your attention? The things we don’t want to see? The irritations we blame on others? The anger we won’t address? They are all OURS. Ours to deal with. The problem could be laid on the doorstep of my former position — but it was not them.
It was always me.
I had stayed past my expiration date — stayed well past my cosmic welcome — I had stopped growing. And The Universe was showing me all the walls which confined me and made me as uncomfortable as possible. Until I finally left to seek a more compatible environment.
So I took The Leap Of Faith when it presented itself. I stepped out of my uncomfortable Comfort Zone.
I stayed open. I let The Universe lead. I didn’t fight the flow of My Life. I didn’t grasp or clutch or shrink back in fear when She gave me the very things my heart was longing for. I walked the walk on The Path She put in front of me.
Do you know what has happened since then?
All those things that I had found so burdensome about My Life in 2018 have completely vanished from My Life in 2019. Even the fucking 5 AM alarm clock which I loathed with all my being. Gone.
Or — maybe it’s just the way I choose to look at Life. My Life.
Maybe I’m just looking at the parts of The Journey where I landed well. The places where the footing was solid and the views were good. Maybe I choose to define My Life in this manner rather than by the moments I froze in place on a ledge afraid to take a step forward or by the long hours I marched through endless swamps of muck. Make no mistake — I did plenty of those things too and suffered for it.
But you see, it’s Our Life. Our Story. Our Journey.
We are the ones who get to tell the tale. We are the ones who shape our destinies.
Never be afraid walk away from that which is not meant for you. Never be afraid to Leap. Never be afraid to follow your own Path.
“Not all those who wander are lost.” — J.R.R. Tolkien