The Day My Voice Returned

Photo by Krystal Ng on Unsplash

I’ve been struggling with vocal cord issues for well over a year now. A long history of asthma attacks, herculean coughing fits, and medication had damaged my right vocal cord. My voice became tired, hoarse, at times nearly disappearing completely. On a good day, I’d just be channeling Kathleen Turner. On a bad day, my larynx ached with the effort to form words.

I had been to a very good ENT, a specialist’s specialist in vocal cord issues. I’d spent months and many tears learning how to speak again. My youngest granddaughter and I went to ‘speech’ together. Each in her own state. But I understood completely her frustrations as my voice refused to obey and make the sounds I was willing it to.

I would sunk back into old habits and my voice would become stressed and then retreat.

Last week I got the notice that my application for retirement was formally accepted. My boss has posted my position and we are well on our way to replacing me.

Tonight as I chanted my Metta practice, I became aware of the most unusual feeling — especially after a day on the phone with patients for work. I still have my voice. The rested, bright, shiny voice I wake up with that only usually lasts through my first patient call or MD discussion.

I thought back and realization dawned on me. I haven’t lost my voice since I was informed my retirement date was approved.

Many therapies came into play to heal me — I’m sure. But the mind/body connection is vast. In a very short time, all of My Life will belong to me. My voice is just the first piece of my being that I’m claiming back from a career spent sacrificing my own health for the welfare of strangers.

Last week My Voice came back home to me. Right after I used it to tell the world I was no longer going to be a nurse.

Coincidence? In my belief system, there is no such thing.


“Rule #39 — There is no such thing as a coincidence.” — Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Self discovery in progress, stay tuned

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