Again — so many valid points in your response it could certainly inspire another post for me. First let me say — the giving away the keys to the kingdom we ‘both inhabit’ even if it’s in my name & I’m paying most of the bills because…well MINE — is something a lot of women are prone to. We have an innate go to of tend and befriend rather than fight and flight. The first step in the process is — we tend to everyone else’s needs and wants. OR perceived needs and wants. They don’t ask for this from us — it seems hard wired in some. We just do.
I am also an abuse survivor and I’ve seen this in other women who have been abused. At times I have pondered if it is a subconscious first line of defense — a preventative measure put in place in our relationships to help us avoid confrontation which might escalate to another abusive episode or even just trigger our PTSD. Because that’s a real thing. Mine can be triggered with a severe enough argument.
I know for myself — my peace of mind lies in living alone just for the reasons above. But your insight into facing this self truth and challenging your inner landscape to find a solution and balance your relationship is beyond commendable.
You are truly climbing a mountain with a full pack. :)
We are can have moments of peace and beauty on the vista at the top. But as you say — we turn back down only to face another mountain or even the same one over. I loved this analogy. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughtful response.
Anyone reading this — needs to check out Julia E Hubbel’s writing. Her posts are every bit as thought provoking as her responses!